Working Through The Pain To Get To Peace

I don’t know how to say this. So I’m just going to say it. Nothing ever prepared me for the difficulties, the pain and the after.  I wish there was someone who said hey, you’re gonna get your you-know-what handed to you, but it’s eventually going to be ok. Cause I know for sure that’s where so many people get trapped. Like right in your tracks. We somehow were told that if it hurts that it’s not right for us. Well that’s not what I find to be true.

I remember one time being outside in my neighborhood playing with my friends. All three of us were having a great time. Well it was snack time or something like that & so I went in to follow my friends to the one little girls house. She turned and said oh, no you can’t come in my parents won’t let you. I didn’t understand why at first, I was only 8 years old. This happened to me a handful of times up to age 13.  My mom taught me to like all races and that we were all the same , yet here I was a child to try to process this. To make it even more confusing, the black kids in my school would make fun of me cause I talked different or looked different. Like I wasn’t “black” enough. That’s where it started but it didn’t end there. I still to this day get accused with “sounding” white or liking things that are from different cultures. It’s stupid. I wish it wasn’t a thing, but it is! So who do I belong to?  I felt displaced, so I just said to hell with all of you, I’m human first. Like it’s something I deal with on a weekly basis, so I have gotten really secure about being different. I never felt the need to change one way or the other. I’m just me. That’s what I rock out with.

I lost almost everyone that was close to me in a year because I pursued my career. Like literally day one of my new path, my friend who I thought of like a sister completely turned on me. To top it off, found out that my other friend and her had been spewing malicious lies behind my back for months. I felt betrayed, sick to my stomach. Here I was venturing out on my own, at a time when I needed emotional support & I was getting the rug pulled right from under me. It was nasty, it was brutal. Like getting stabbed in the back and the chest at the same time. I hadn’t felt that alone in a very long time. That feeling lasted a year. There was no repair of the friendships. From that I learned that when people see you do things that they won’t do, they get mad. Notice how I said won’t. It’s not that they can’t, they just won’t make the sacrifices you are making to get yourself further. Unsuccessful people will pull you right back in to that little comfortable nook where you all used to hangout. Well there’s no growth in comfortable places. Growth happens in uncomfortable situations. Successful people know this. They will see you struggle and then encourage you or help you find the tools to move forward.

Sometimes it just feels like everything is wrong. I’m on social media everyday, much like most of you. I look happy, I have to be happy in my business. How?? When my family is in distress? I just have this overwhelming belief that this is going to pass. My hard times will make me stronger. My discomfort will be a reminder to me of what I suffered through to get to the other side.

How did I come to this conclusion? Ok. I asked myself how can I live a new life, a more abundant lifestyle with the same skills & in the same situation. The fact is I couldn’t! I had to- I am shedding all the past trials, thought processes, behaviors & habits that may have served me well up until this point. I’m opening a new chapter. I’m developing new ideas almost everyday, I’m seeking new teachers with new information. I ask everyday for guidance, like what’s next.

Now you don’t have to hurt, you can stay where you are. That’s just something you will have to live with. I just can’t do it. I just want more. So yes, I’m willing to be fierce, brave and still be kind & grateful for everything, through everything, if that means I can live a happy full life.

No one tells you up front that it sucks , that it hurts like hell and btw everyone is going to think you are crazy, but it’s true. Just keep going past all that. Be the crazy one for a while, leaders are often a little radical in their thinking anyway. One day your dream will be your reality and no one can take that feeling from you.





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