What does it mean to me? Malleable , pliable, bending to another persons direction, giving up your personal free will to do the will of another. Manipulation has a negative, dirty feel. Why ? If you are allowing that person or system take over then you’re choosing to let it happen, right? Well that would be true, but the backbone of manipulation is that it’s from a tactical stance. That person knows you . Knows how you think, where you came from & essentially how you feel. The manipulator uses your emotions against you. Often times they will blatantly deny even realizing your “soft spot”. Clever. The Manipulator does not always come in wolf’s clothing.
My father used to say fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Who hides behind the mask? A friend, a child, a business partner, a romantic partner, like literally anyone. At this point of someone being that close I have armed the manipulator with everything essential to my being. They could totally break me down. Ok maybe you did win over in that situation. That’s ok. Lesson learned in the failure. A huge lesson. Save MORE of that sweet spot of yourself FOR YOURSELF. I may share a lot of things, but even I have a rule. Never share everything with one person. Especially when dating, leave some of your history out. Do not arm the person with the exact tools to take you out. There has to be a place inside that’s just for you to be.
Thank you for reading. How did this article make you feel?
The idea that attract what you put out seems like a reasonable statement. So if I am a nice, loving person why isn’t this principle working for me?
Being nice is a superb quality. In fact the world could use more nice people. Unfortunately being nice also makes you a target. While I sent out vibes of love and compassion, I never once expected to get anything in return. I never asked for anything…and that’s exactly what I got – nothing. I was a magnet for narcissistic, ego fueled vibe sucking vampires.
Often in my relationships I found myself with controlling partners. Me being so nice, would change to fit their lifestyle to make it “easier”. After all, I was the one who could adapt to any situation and get along with anyone. I literally rearranged everything in my life around my partner. I did this repeatedly. Stupid. What I was actually doing was handing them over my power. I was saying , here take control of what I do, when I do it, how I look, what I can say… because I don’t know what to do. So in essence, yes I put that vibe out and attracted a person to come in and takeover my life. I just handed the keys right over.
Some things I just had to learn the hard way. I had to bury that FOMO somewhere deep. Like, what if we break up & he ends up with someone else living happily ever after. Ok, yeah he will end up with someone else, true. But, the happily ever after bit, ummm not so much. He’s still the same creep. I had to tell myself let him creep on someone else, not you. I also had to realize that the only person I could control was myself and I wasn’t responsible for my partners feelings. I could not stop them from saying things to start a fight but I could change how I reacted to it. This took a lot of practice & it’s something I’m still working on. The good old guilt trip, wow I fell for this one a million times. I call this emotional blackmail. Emotional blackmail is just another tactic that a person uses to control you. Don’t fall for it. Equally so, I had to stop looking for my partner to make me feel whole. Taking ownership of my actions & my feelings was a big step in becoming clear about what I wanted.
If you find yourself in a state of confusion, not knowing what you want, not having firm boundaries, not being completely happy & whole then you are not going to attract a healthy partner who loves fully. I was confused so I attracted confused men. So yes. It was really me. I get it now.